You Are Not Alone
by 88Ashley88
Summary: When Erin finds herself in a situation she never dreamed of, will Jay be there to stand by her through it all?
1. Life: Unexpected

**Hey guys,**

 **So this is different from anything I've done before and special thanks to Kenz and Callie for the idea.**

 **I hope that you guys like it.**

 **I don't own anything that has to do with NBC Chicago PD or anything Dick Wolf has done.**

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 _Erin grunted as her back slammed into the wall behind her. Landon grabbed her ass and lifted as she pulled up and wrapped her legs around his waist, recapturing his mouth with hers. "Bunny?" he moaned and rocked her hips when she felt his erection through his jeans._

 _"Won't be home till late," Erin panted, as Landon carried her over and eased her onto the bed in her apartment._

 _Erin's head turned towards the side and she felt hot tears brimming at her lids as she looked at the picture of her and Nadia sitting on the bedside table._

 _It was her fault her friend was dead and that was something she knew she was never going to get passed. Her gaze then when to the picture of her and Jay and she felt a tear finally slide down her cheek._

 _Jay._

 _God, how she was so deeply in love with him, but he deserved so much better than her. And she wasn't going to let him get mixed up in her life and have his life become a cluster-fuck like everyone's life who knew her._

 _Bunny was right, she needed to be around people who knew her and people who wouldn't get hurt by her actions._

 _Erin groaned as she felt Landon bite her neck and she knew if she was going to get through this she was going to need something to take the edge off._

 _"Stop" Erin said as she pushed against his shoulders to keep him from leaving too many marks on her neck._

 _"No" Landon said as he continued to kiss his way down Erin's neck and shoulder._

 _"Landon...stop" Erin said as she pushed him back away from her and sat up for a minute._

 _"What the hell is wrong with you? I thought this was what you wanted. You were all over me at the club" Landon reasoned. Running a hand through his dark hair._

 _"I just need a minute" Erin said running her hand through her hair._

 _"Something to take the edge off?" Landon asked raising an eyebrow as he sat back and moved off the bed. "I know just the thing"_

 _Erin watched as Landon moved to her dresser and grabbed two white pills before walking back over to the bed and sitting down._

 _"Here. It'll make you feel better" Landon said._

 _"What are they?" Erin asked as she looked at the pills in her hand._

 _"Does it matter?" Landon asked._

 _Erin looked back over at the picture of Nadia and shook her head. "No"_

 _Erin squeezed her eyes shut as she grabbed the old beer that was on her nightstand and swallowed the pills whole before turning back to Landon and kissing him._

 _Erin sat up and pulled her shirt over her head as Landon fumbled with the buckle on her jeans. She nipped his shoulder and reached down to undo his pants, tugging them down over his hips._

 _"Let's do this," she said breathily. "Lose the pants." He stood up straight, pulling his shirt over his head as Erin knelt in front of him and pulled his jeans down._

 _They moaned together as he slid inside her waiting for her body to adjust to the invasion. She bucked her hips impatiently, and his chuckle became a moan as he began to move within her. Her nails raked down his back as his thrusts became less controlled. She wrapped her legs around his back and screamed his name as another orgasm overtook her. Landon lost control as the contractions of her body milked his erection and he erupted within her body, collapsing on her breathlessly._

 _They lay panting for a moment before Erin brought her hands up to caress her face, not realizing she'd cried her way through the entire thing._

 _She rolled away from Landon as he withdrew and moved off of her._

 _"I don't know why you always look at those pictures. That's a life of people who don't care about you" Landon said as he turned his head and saw Erin's gaze on the pictures._

 _Just like she did every night that he'd stayed with her. She'd just stare at photos of her old life until she'd fall asleep._

 _"Landon...don't" Erin pleaded._

 _"I love you, not them. If any of those people in those photos gave a shit about you...they'd be around"_

 _"I know" Erin said as she pulled the blankets up and over her naked form._

 _"Whatever you say" Landon said as he rooled over on his own side._

 _Erin's eyes stung with hot tears as she looked at the picture of her and Jay. She missed him so much, she wanted him._

 _But wanting him was never enough._

 _He deserved better._

 _And her leaving the 21st was going to give him better._

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 _The phone rang out in Landon's apartment._

 _"Landon should I get that?"_

 _No reply._

 _Erin could hear the phone being picked up at Landon's end and immediately launched into her rant._

 _"Landon where the hell have you been? You were supposed to call me"._

 _There was a pause at the other end of the line, before a seductive female voice sounded down the line._

 _"Um, this isn't Landon actually" she giggled "He's indisposed right now. I think I've worn him out, so he's taking a nap at the moment" another throaty laugh. "Who is this please?" she asked innocently._

 _"Never mind who this is. Who the fuck is this?" Erin shouted down the phone._

 _"There's really no need to be rude. I'm sure… " she started to answer curtly._

 _"You know what? Just give Landon a message from me. Tell him Erin called. Just tell him Erin said goodbye"._

 _She slammed the phone down and burst into tears._

 _"Thanks so much for saying that I can stay after all Erin. I'm sure the roaches didn't really want an audience while they were dying" he laughed._

 _"No problem Mom, seeing as Landon has decided he'd rather be spending the weekend in bed with another woman"._

 _She could feel her voice getting louder and she looked down as tears formed in her eyes. She quickly brushed away the one that had escaped and looked back up at the back of Bunny's head. They were in her apartment and she was sitting on the couch while Bunny unpacked her bags._

 _"Sweetie, don't worry about him, he'll be back. You know what we need to do? Have a party. So that you can take the edge off" Bunny explained._

 _"I don't know. I just think I'm going to get some sleep tonight"_

 _"Aw, sweetheart, it'll be fun" she laughed, then lowered her voice "And don't worry about Landon, baby. I'm sure he'll be able to give you a really good excuse. I.. I mean, explanation"._

 _She frowned, feeling the need to change the subject again quickly before the tears she was holding back overpowered her completely and she stood up "I'm going to go lay down" she said as the phone started ringing "Can you get that Bunny?"_

 _"Sure" She said, leaning over the side of the couch and picking up the telephone_

 _"Hello" Bunny giggled._

 _"Can I speak to Erin, please?" Hank asked_

 _"What do you want Hank?" she asked tersely._

 _"I want to talk to Erin" Hank said again._

 _"Well Erin doesn't want to talk to you. Didn't we just go through this?" she smirked._

 _"Put her on the phone" he fumed._

 _"Sorry, no can do" Bunny said as she hung up the phone._

 _Erin walked into the room and raised her eyes questioningly at Bunny._

 _"Who was that?" Erin asked._

 _"Wrong number" Bunny said as the phone rang again and she answered it._

 _She placed her hand over the mouthpiece and mouthed 'Landon' to Erin with a concerned look. Her eyes sparkled with anger and jealousy as she walked over and grabbed the phone from Bunny's hands, whilst she retreated respectfully into the kitchen._

 _"What do you want Landon?"_

 _"What do I want?" he asked incredulously. "I want to know where the hell you get off talking to my friends like that" he yelled._

 _"Well I think I have every right to say what I want, Landon. After all, you sleep with me and then a week later have some new skank in your house."_

 _"What the….? Skank? Who the hell do you think you're calling a skank?"_

 _"Well I just call it as I hear it Landon"._

 _"You know nothing about my life. You know nothing about the people I turn to and confide in, and what's more, you don't seem to care"._

 _They were both screaming down the phone at this point. Their tempers were not going to be controlled. They lashed out. There was no way they could stop it._

 _"You know what Landon? You go and have your fun. You go and turn to whatever little whore you want to keep your bed warm during the lonely nights, but just know this. You will never… EVER… return to my bed again"._

 _"Fuck You Erin, You're nothing but a whore. You're right. You should've died right with your friend, Nadia"._

 _"You're such a bastard. Don't ever call me again" she said calmly for the first time in their conversation. She quietly replaced the receiver, then picked the telephone up and hurled it at the television set, glass and sparks flying everywhere, before she collapsed to the floor, her mouth open in a silent scream._

 _Not quite sure how her life was even more fucked up than she thought._

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Erin shook her head as she tried to forget about where her life was a month ago.

She rubbed her neck tiredly as she looked up from her desk in the bullpen and across the room to where Jay was standing in the breakroom.

The night she had told Landon to never call her again was the same night she'd got the call from Al that Jay had been kidnapped.

Erin, hadn't intended on ever going back to the 21st, but knowing that Jay needed her was the only thing that pulled her back in.

And for that she was thankful. Because of that day her life was finally getting back on track. She was finally moving back into her apartment and Jay had promised her he'd help her get a new couch for her apartment.

Erin shook her head when she felt a wave of nausea overtake her.

She'd found herself feeling really lousy the last few days and figured she was just fighting off a bug since Kim had been sick a few days prior.

Erin silently hoped that it wasn't Kim's stomach bug, she really wanted to go couch shopping with Jay and get her life back on track to where she was.

"You ok?" Jay asked as he walked over and sat a cup of coffee down on Erin's desk.

"Yeah...yeah" Erin assured as she took the cup from her desk and brought it up to her lips.

"So...I talked to my couch guy" Jay said his lips turning up into a smile.

"And?" Erin asked.

"He made a few calls and I think I found something you'll like" Jay said. "Do you have plans tonight?"

"Nope" Erin said with a smile.

"Me neither. Should we go couch shopping?" Jay asked his eyes dancing as he looked at Erin.

"Indeed" Erin said with a smile

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Jay walked off the elevator with flowers in his hand as he made his way to the door of Erin's apartment. It had been almost a week since he'd helped her find her couch and the two had their very heated kiss on said couch.

Unfortunately, Erin had been sick the last few days and Jay had promised Hank that he'd keep an eye on her. He'd stopped by every day for the last few days since she'd missed work and just hung out with her and helped her with anything that she may need.

He reached into his pocket and pulled the key out that Erin had given him and quietly let himself into her place.

Erin yawned as she walked into the kitchen, wearing the same sweats she had worn for the past few days, she couldn't bring herself to change, mostly because the thought of showering made her want to throw up.

Jay looked up from where he was noisily fumbling around in the kitchen drawer when he heard her yawn followed by a loud sniffle as she came in.

"My God, she's alive….. well, just about" he smiled.

"Very funny".

"Don't you think it's time to go to the doctor? I mean, I could take you down to Med and you could see Will" Jay offered

Erin shook her head "No, it's fine. I'll be fine. I'm actually starting to feel better"

"It's just...Burgess wasn't sick like..."

"I'm FINE" Erin said again as she looked at Jay and back down at the table.

"Okay" Jay said his voice trailing off.

"I'm sorry Jay" she sighed, slumping down into a chair.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Jay asked looking at her with concern.

"I tried first thing this morning, but I can't keep anything down. I think it's just stress from being back at work and maybe some bad choices still left in my system"

"You ready to talk about it now then?"

She shook her head and sniffed, the remains of her last crying session still very obvious by the tear streaks down her face and her red, puffy eyes. "Bunny keeps calling me. She wants to talk, but I'm just not ready to let her back in my life"

"And you don't have to be. You don't need to let her back in your life, Erin" Jay assured as he took a seat next to her.

"You know the other night on the couch...Jay...that was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened and I'm sorry that I took advantage of you" she said tersely, hurt boiling somewhere underneath the surface, just waiting to explode again, but despair was currently overriding that emotion.

Jay studied her carefully, aware that her words were just a case of false bravado, but deciding to let it pass, before nodding and turning back to the kitchen drawer.

"Erin, you don't mean that. Things are going to get better. We'll get your number changed and you won't have to worry about Bunny. And if that's the case, well, we'll get a restraining order"

Erin shook her head and looked back at Jay "All I do is mess things up, it's what I'm best at. And you should go"

"I'm not going anywhere, Erin" Jay assured

"Jay" she sighed.

"Erin listen" he said, turning serious "I know you're not ready to talk about the things that happened during your spiral. If you're ready to talk or need to cry on a real shoulder instead of just into a pillow, I'll be here you know? No matter what"

Erin took a deep breath as she tried to fight back the tears that were going to fall.

"No Jay really" she sniffled "I'll be fine. I'm on my own now, I need to get used to it".

"You're not alone, Erin. Where is all of this coming from? What did Bunny say to you" Jay asked moving over to where Erin was and sitting next to her.

"It's not Bunny!" her anger resurfacing "You just need to go Jay. Please. I mean, how many different ways are there of saying goodbye Jay? Maybe if I say it often enough, it will seem real and I'll be able to accept it. I'll be able to accept being left here alone… in this condition" she gasped as she looked up into Jay's eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What… what condition?" he asked as she shook her head and looked down at the floor "What condition Erin?" he asked again, softly.

"I'm pregnant" she cried as she said it out loud for the first time as she collapsed forward onto the kitchen table, her whole body wracked with sobs.

Jay felt like the wind had been knocked out of him at her news. He knew there was no way possible that this was his baby.

And it completely gutted him.

But now wasn't the time for how Jay Halstead felt. So, he did the only thing he knew to do.

He quickly walked over to her and pulled her up into his embrace, stroking her hair as she gasped and hiccuped between her sobs.

"It's going to be ok. You're going to be OK. I'm staying here tonight".

"There's no need" Erin said shaking her head.

His shirt was soaked with her tears and he could feel her small frame shudder with each gasp for air in between her cries.

"Are you sure Er? I mean, have you taken a test? What happened exactly".

Her tears subsided somewhat at his soothing words and comforting embrace.

"I was two weeks late. I knew there was something wrong because I'm never late… ever, because I'm on the pill so I always know when my period is due. Anyway, I started to think back and then I remembered all of those pills I took and they could have knocked the pill out or something. I went to the store and bought a test. I thought it was better to know one way or the other" she explained, trying to hold back from crying long enough to tell the story.

"It's like all I do is fuck up my life. I don't know what I'm going to tell Hank...How could I have been so stupid?" Just she quickly broke down into tears again at the memory.

He held her tighter, knowing she needed to feel safe and loved. Eventually her tears began to subside once again and he pulled away slightly and held her at arms length, looking her in the eyes.

"Erin. I'm staying".

"Honestly. I'm okay. You go Jay. I could do with a bit of time on my own now my head's clearing slightly. I have to try to work out what I'm going to do. I'll be okay, I promise."

"Well make sure you call me if you change your mind, okay?"

"I will" she reassured him. "But it's better that you go"

Jay reached his hand over and brushed the hair out of Erin's face. "It's going to be OK, Erin. No matter what, I'm not going anywhere. And no matter what you decide to do, we're all going to be there for you" He frowned slightly.

Erin shrugged and brushed off his comments, as she began to feel the first stirrings of nausea forming in the pit of her stomach.

"You get going Jay. There's something I need to do anyway".

"Alright Er, but don't forget, I'm only at the other end of the phone" he smiled as he walked towards the door.

It wasn't until much later on, long after she had thrown up her first breakfast and was trying to prepare her second, that she saw Jay's car parked outside her apartment in the same place that he'd parked this morning.

He'd never left.

Just like he'd promised.

And somewhere deep down Erin knew, no matter what, she wasn't going to be as alone as she felt.

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Thoughts?

Please Review


	2. We'll Figure All This Out

**Hey! Thanks for all of the reviews on the first chapter. I know that they were mixed because a lot of you aren't fans of the idea of Landon being the father of Erin's baby. It doesn't mean he's going to be the main part of the story, but he'll eventually be in it.**

 **The thing is, I like for the person reading to have an idea of who I'm talking about. I'm not a huge fan of stories where there's an original character. I know a lot of authors can make it work and they do a great job doing so, but I'm just not able to have that mindset.**

 **So that left Landon or Kelly as the only two choices.**

 **And you have to agree that it would be way too OOC for Kelly to not be in his child's life.**

 **Just continue to give this story a chance, just because Jay is stepping up doesn't mean that things will be great for him and Erin. No relationship is perfect and I thought I'd try to write something that isn't completely like Undercover Honeymoon.**

 **So, I hope that you guys like the chapter.**

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"She's pregnant?" Will asked as he took a drink of his Pepsi

"That's what I said." Jay replied.

"She told you?"

"I just said that didn't I?" Jay spat as he looked at his brother.

"Awww shit man, I'm sorry. I never really thought she was sleeping with him." Will offered

"Well why not? I knew that night that I went to her apartment and he was there that something was going on. She was really out of it for a long time. I don't know if Erin was exactly sober when it happened... Why is it so hard for you to believe this?" Jay threw his hands up angrily and stopped his incessant pacing back and forth to look accusingly at Will.

The two had travelled to Wisconsin for some fresh air for the weekend. Jay had barely said a word to Will on the drive up and Will had been determined to try and bring him out of his funk. In reality, talking wasn't having the calming effect he'd hoped; it was really only serving to fuel Jay's anger and direct it towards Will.

"Hey! I'm not taking any sides in this Jay, not even yours. The mistakes you and Erin made were pretty equal as far as I can tell. She made a mistake...I know how much you love her and I know how much this is hurting you. But you're not going to just abandon her, right?" Will took a swig of his Pepsi and motioned for Jay to sit back down.

"I just can't think straight right now," Jay sighed. Sitting down on the bench he put his head in his hands and tried to control his breathing. "You're right though. I guess I'm madder at myself than at her or Landon. I mean, I should've done more when Nadia died...And I didn't. I pushed her towards this guy, Landon. All because I was more afraid of what Hank thought than what Erin needed. And because of that decision, I'm going to lose the most important thing in my life."

"Jay….."

"And you know the worst thing? It's gone too far now. There's nothing I can ever to do make it better or get it back again."

"You're wrong Jay. Take it from me; look at how I behaved with Natalie. I was that jerk remember? Maybe you can't ever get it back… but you can always make it better. You just need to swallow your pride, and take steps towards making things better."

"When she told me a few days ago, all I could do was just hold her and tell her everything was going to be OK. But is it really going to be OK? I don't know. She asked for space and for me to leave her alone and I just couldn't. So I went out to my car and just sat there all day. It's probably pathetic, but I just wanted her to know that I was close by if she needed me."

Jay sat up straight on the bench and stared out at the kids who were running around playing baseball. Will stayed silent, but looked to his brother questioningly. "It's just not fair man. A month ago things were getting right back where we were and then she told me she was pregnant"

"Does Landon know?"

Jay shook his head. "Nope. I don't even know if she's going to tell him or not, I mean I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. Maybe she and her baby would be better off if Landon didn't know. I don't even know the guy and I hate him. To see how hurt she was in that kitchen..." he laughed in spite of what he'd just said. "I'd do anything I could to take away the things that were encumbering her.

"Why don't you call and tell her this?" Will asked.

"It's not my place anymore."

"You held the door open though, right?"

"Of course," Jay laughed and Will nodded knowingly at his brother.

"Of course."

"Yeah but Will, do you…. do you think I'm always destined to lose out to that guy?"

"What guy?" Will asked.

"You know, that guy from the movies. The really shitty guy that treats the woman like dirt and leaves her and then just when she's over him, he sweeps back into her life like Prince Charming and… and…. impregnates her or something," Jay pouted and took a feeble bite of his meatball sub.

"Dude, what the hell are you watching?"

"I don't know" Jay asked "It was just an example"

"Do you think she loved him?" Jay suddenly asked, his voice a scared whisper. Will couldn't help but feel pity for his brother, even though he knew that Jay wouldn't want people to feel sorry for him.

Jay looked like a broken man and Will knew that in reality, he was the last person Jay should be going to for help, especially taking into account his own track record with women.

"No. I think she loves you. But I think she's scared. And I think now, more than ever she needs a friend. And I know that you guys were on the track to being more than friends. But before anything else, you guys were best friends. If you can't have the kind of love you want, you could at least try for that kind."

"Or I could quit my job, sell my apartment and become a monk in some secluded corner of Europe." Jay only half joked.

"Well there's always that," Will smiled as they both stood to make their way back to Will's car. "But let's just call that Plan B, ok?"

"Somehow it sounds a lot more appealing than Plan A right now," Jay laughed as he stood again.

"Come on, what do you say? Tonight, you and me," Will smiled widely. "I'll buy ya a lap dance! As long as you don't tell Natalie"

"Thanks, but I really don't think that's going to fit in with my monk plan," Jay laughed and tossed his finished Pepsi in the trash can and followed Will back towards the car.

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"Did you tell Hank?" Jay asked awkwardly, picking at an imaginary piece of lint on his shirt.

Erin sighed and slumped tiredly against her locker. "Yeah I told him after dinner last night." She massaged her neck and absently placed a hand on her abdomen, rubbing in gentle circles. Jay took note of this and rubbed her shoulders reassuringly.

"You feeling alright?" he asked, resting his chin on her head.

"I'm really nauseous," she stated. "Don't worry about it. I'll live."

"So how did it go last night?"

"Not very well," she whispered. "I've never seen Hank so upset. It wasn't that he was really even mad...he just looked so disappointed. He told me I was irresponsible and then he stormed out of my apartment." Erin bit back a sob. "He called me later that night and apologized, but I feel like all I ever do is just hurt him...and you...and everyone."

"Erin, you haven't disappointed anyone," Jay assured as he wrapped an arm around her. "I'm just sorry you had to do that by yourself. I wish I could have been there for you."

"It's alright," she said, quietly. "There's nothing you could have done to make it easier."

"I still wish I could have been there. You needed the support."

Erin smiled and turned in his arms. "I love you for that. I don't know what I did to deserve you but I am very glad that I have you."

"Have you thought about if you're going to tell Landon or not?," he asked sadly, stroking her hair.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure if I would know where to find him. It's not like he'd even want to be a part of this baby's life. But I mean he is the father. As much as I don't want him to be"

"You wouldn't be pregnant if it wasn't for him," he said, bitterly.

"No, but maybe this is my chance to finally get my life back together." she smiled lovingly and took his hand.

The sound of footsteps in the hallway caused Erin and Jay to break apart, both knowing they had to head into the bullpen and get ready for work.

"Now I've heard enough whining for one day. I'm tired, I have been throwing up all morning and I need to go in there and face Hank and whatever desk duty I'm sure he's going to try to put me on" Erin said as she forced a smile.

"Do you still need someone to go with you to your doctor's appointment?" Jay asked as he stood and followed Erin out of the locker room.

"Jay, I can go alone. Really" Erin assured.

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Erin sat nervously in the thick chairs of the doctor's waiting room, fidgeting with the worn pages of an old Cosmo magazine.

The room was full of women, some extremely pregnant and some with small children. Her hand blindly sought out Jay's hand as she encountered the unaccepting glare of one particularly pregnant couple. She tore her gaze away from the scowling woman and turned to look at Jay. He gave her a quick reassuring smile and brought her hand to his lips. Suddenly the doors opened and a middle aged woman stepped out. "Erin Lindsay?."

Erin released her hand from Jay's and wiped her palms on her pants before rising from her seat. Jay placed a hand on the small of her back and led her through the halls to the room the nurse had entered.

"I need you to put on this gown, Erin, and lay down on the table," she smiled softly. "You can cover up with this blanket and the doctor will be in shortly." She gave them a small wave and left the room.

"I'll wait outside," Jay spoke nervously, moving toward the door.

"Jay," she choked out. "Don't be ridiculous. It's nothing you haven't seen before."

"Sure," he replied, taking a seat in the chair that sat beside the table. Erin pulled her t shirt over her head and slipped the gown on, sliding her pants down and pulling herself up onto the table. Pulling the blanket over her legs she lay back against the pillow and reached for Jay's hand.

"This is weird," she stated, taking in her surroundings.

Jay chuckled softly and toyed with the fingers on her left hand.

"Weird isn't quite the word I would use. I think unreal is the one you're looking for."

Erin forced a smile at his honesty and looked up at the ceiling. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes just as the door swung open and an older white haired doctor walked in.

"Hello Ms. Lindsay," she greeted. "I'm Doctor Price." He held Erin's free hand firmly and smiled.

"It's Erin, actually," Erin responded, smiling nervously at the doctor.

"Erin it is," He replied, removing his hand from Erin's and offered it to Jay.

"I'm Jay," he stated, shaking the doctor's hand before returning his attention to Erin. The doctor smiled at them both before pulling down Erin's blanket and exposing her bare abdomen. Jay stared in amazement at the slight swell of her belly.

How could he not have noticed before? He looked up to Erin's nervous expression and brushed her hair from her face.

"Okay folks," Doctor Price began. "I'm going to start with a sonogram. It bounces sound waves off of solid objects and will give us a pretty good image of your baby." She smiled and picked up a plastic bottle. "This is gonna be cold," she warned and squeezed the contents of the bottle onto Erin's stomach.

Erin flinched at the contact of the cold gel and Jay squeezed her hand tightly in response. She smiled her thanks and looked over as the doctor placed the small device on her belly.

A blurry image flickered onto the screen and Erin stared in awe at the images she was seeing. "This string of pearls here is the spine," Dr. Price said pointing to the screen. "Here's the head, and this little thing here is..."

"The heart," Erin interrupted, amazed as she stared at the screen, unblinking.

"That's right. Would you like to hear the heart?" the doctor inquired, looking to Erin for an answer.

Erin kept her eyes on the screen and nodded her head yes.

"Okay then, let me just find it..." The room was filled with a racing pulse. The whooshing beat of her child's heart.

Jay brought Erin's hand to his lips, tears filling his own eyes as he watched her reaction to the sound.

"It's so fast," he whispered to no one in particular.

Erin stared at the screen in absolute fascination as she shared the powerful emotions the sound had evoked.

Wiping the tears from her eyes she turned her eyes back towards the doctor as the sound ceased.

"It's a good, strong heart beat. Everything is looking very well, Erin. I'd say you are around 13 weeks which makes you due around..." He paused, checking his calender.

"Which makes you due around Christmas." His smile never faltered as he continued on. "Now it's still fairly early but the abortion procedure is a little more difficult."

Erin shook her head and tightened her grip on Jay's hand.

"I don't want an abortion."

Doctor Price nodded and moved to the rack on the wall. "Okay," he answered, plucking various papers and pamphlets from their pockets on the rack. Turning around he handed them to Erin and continued. "I know when you spoke with my nurse, she put in your chart that you were undecided about if you wanted to keep the baby or not. Those are pamphlets and information packages about adoption. They tell you about your options and the things that you need to think about before the baby is born."

Erin chewed her lower lip anxiously and Jay put a hand out to still her. "Well, that's all for today." Dr. Price placed a hand on the doorknob and looked at Erin and Jay. "I'll schedule an appointment for next month but until then you can exercise lightly, eat properly and take your prenatal vitamins. Look over those pamphlets. Good luck Erin," and she exited the room.

Jay rose and helped Erin up from the table. He stood before her as she slid the gown off her arms and sat in her bra. Jay plucked the gown from her hand and used it to clean the gel that still coated the slight swell of her stomach, gently wiping away the mess. Erin smiled and ran her fingers through the soft hair that lined his forehead. Once she was cleaned up, he discarded the gown and placed his hand over the soft flesh that housed her child. And how deeply it made his heart ache that this baby was not his own.

When she placed her hand over his, he looked up into her face. "Am I wrong for wanting this baby, Jay?" she asked, softly, stroking his fingers with her own.

He smiled at her sadly. "It doesn't matter what I thin, Erin. I just want you to do what makes you happy. It's all I've ever wanted. And no matter what you decide, I'm always going to be here for you...and for your baby." Tears filled Erin's eyes, yet they never left Jay's.

"I love you for saying that," she started. "But I need to know. But if you were the father, would you want this...Am I making a mistake?"

Jay sighed as Erin's words stung his heart. The idea that she'd think this baby was a mistake broke his heart and he forced himself to smile as he looked at her.

"Erin, if this was our baby, I can guarantee you that I'd want nothing more than to have that with you. And even though this baby isn't mine, I'm always going to be there for you. I just don't want you to worry about anything other than taking care of yourself and your baby"

"I want this baby, Jay," she whispered in his ear. "I heard it's heart beating, and you know what I saw?"

Jay shook his head no.

"I saw myself finally happy. I saw you in this baby's life, Jay." When he didn't respond, she continued. "Is it so wrong to want to be happy? To already love something more than I love myself?." she brought her hand back to her belly and held it there gently. "Do you believe in fate?"

"I never really thought about it before," he shrugged, looking at her curiously.

"This is fate Jay," she whispered, stroking his cheek gently.

"You and me, this pregnancy, they all happened against all the odds." He looked at her sadly and she continued.

"This baby happened because I was in a place where I needed something to save me. And as strong as my feelings are for you, and as much as I do love you...our timing has always been off. And maybe this is what I'm meant for. This baby saved my life and I owe him or her the chance at the best life possible"

Jay swallowed hard as he looked at Erin.

"I can still work, Jay. You heard the doctor. The baby's due around Christmas." Erin took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. "I want this, Jay. I didn't know how much until I actually saw and heard it's heart beat. I don't think I could give him or her away now Jay. I don't think I want to."

Erin was crying freely now, trembling as she continued to speak. "And you and I...Well, we can make this work, Jay. If we love each other I know we can make this work." Her voice broke and she pulled him to her tightly, rocking him gently as they wept.

"I love you Erin" Jay whispered into her neck. "And we'll take this a day at a time"

She smiled at the words she had grown so accustomed to hearing. "I love you too Jay." He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes.

"Wow," he said softly, a small smile on his lips.

"What?" she asked, tracing the outline of his face with a slender finger.

He smiled brightly and leaned over to whisper in her ear, "You're going to be the best mom, Erin. This baby is beyond lucky." Erin choked back a tearful laugh and pulled him to her once again.

"This is going to be okay, Jay. I know it." Erin assured with a nod.

Jay smiled and pulled away from her, removing the blanket that covered her legs.

"I think this is the first time I've ever said this to you, but put your clothes on, Erin. Let's get the hell out of here." She smiled and dropped the pamphlets on the table.

Jay sighed, exhausted and picked up the bag the doctor had left for Erin.

Inside were the video and a photo of the sonogram as well as an audiotape of the baby's heartbeat. Erin's prenatal vitamins and a copy of a parenting magazine were also there. He sat down on the stool the doctor had been using and Erin put her foot in his lap. Without a word he began to tie her shoelaces as she pulled her hair into a loose ponytail. Finishing her shoes he looked up at her.

"What do you think this baby is?" Jay asked as he helped Erin down from the seat.

"I don't know," Erin shrugged, honestly. "I honestly haven't even thought about that"

"Come on," he smiled, taking her hand in his as he stood. Hand in hand they left. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving" Erin said with a smile

Jay reached for his wallet and pulled it out of his back pocket. "Starving? That's like what? 20 bucks? Which means I need to go to the ATM"

"Jay" Erin said as the two made their way out of the office.

"Yeah?" Jay asked as he turned to look at her.

"Thank you for being here for me today" Erin said simply.

"You've been there for me before" Jay smiled back as the two locked eyes and made their way to dinner.

 **0000000000000000**

 **Please Review.**


	3. Something That Will Last Forever

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter and I appreciate you guys giving this story a chance. It really does mean a lot to me.**

 **0000000000000000**

Erin turned left, and pulled up in front of the brick house. She sat in her car for a minute and thought about the past week. It had been full of morning sickness, long lectures from Hank, and tears she fell asleep to every night.

It was finally Saturday.

She parked the car and went into the porch. She knocked on the door. Hank answered. He gave her a big smile, but it faded when he saw her expression.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked her. Hank was always more concerned for Erin than he should have been and it killed him to see her so upset the past few weeks. And even though he didn't want to admit it, he felt bad for Jay as well.

Erin was meant for Jay, and even though Hank didn't particularly like the idea of them, he always tried to be happy for Erin's sake.

"I just came to see if I was still invited to Sunday dinner tomorrow," Erin said looking down. "And I wanted to give you this back"

Erin held out a check in her hand that Hank had given her to help her get back on her feet after her "spiral" but she just didn't feel right keeping it. Not anymore.

"Erin, nothing should stop you from taking the money now. You need it. Keep it," he said.

"No, you don't understand. I can't accept it. It's too much knowing what I've done."

"Erin, you're going to be mother. You need to put this towards your baby," said Hank, becoming increasingly perplexed.

"I just can't accept it, Hank," Erin answered, looking down at the ground. Hank didn't say anything. "I'm sorry"

"Erin!" Hank called as he watched her turn on her foot and walk away.

Hank watched from the window as Erin drove away, unsure of what to do and of how he was going to fix it.

 **0000000000000000**

Landon woke up on his couch. He looked out the window and saw his current lady of the week's car wasn't there. He made himself some coffee and looked at the calendar as he heard a car pull up in his driveway.

Landon turned to see Hank jump out and walk forcefully to the door.

"Erin isn't here," Landon said a sly smile forming on his lips as he opened the door. That's when Hank punched him. Landon felt his lip. It hurt, but not too bad. "What the hell was that for?" he asked Hank.

"How could you get her pregnant? How could you be so careless?" Hank screamed his questions.

"I heard rumors she was pregnant. Doesn't mean shit to me" Landon said.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't just do us all a favor and kill you?" Hank spat as he punched Landon again and knocked him to the ground this time.

"Please, it's probably not even my kid. She was high out of her mind everytime we were together. If she fucked me...she probably fucked everyone in that club" Landon said bringing his hand up to wipe the blood away from his busted lip.

"I'd watch myself if I were you" Hank said. As he moved down and grabbed Landon by the shirt before pulling him up and pinning him against the wall.

"I wasn't the only person involved in the activity. And I didn't force it on her, either. It's her fault, too. Once a whore always a whore" Landon laughed as Erin walked up behind them.

She saw Landon's lip and looked between him and Hank

"Hank? What the hell?" she yelled to Hank and Landon while running to separate the two of them.

"He can't get away with this, Erin. And you can't let him" Hank stammered.

"I do not need you to act like this Hank. If I'd known you were going to come after him, I never would have told you I was pregnant" Erin sighed as she watched Hank loosen his grip on Landon's shirt.

"You can't let him get away with this Erin. He has a responsibility to you and your baby" Hank said as he stepped away from Landon.

"Hank, please, just go and let me take care of it" Erin pleaded

"But Erin…" Hank started.

Erin shook her head and cut him off. "Please Hank. Just go"

Erin and Landon both watched as Hank shook his head and turned and walked away.

Erin sighed as she watched Hank leave before she turned back to Landon.

"So tell me, Erin, How's it feel to be a whore?" Landon asked as he once again wiped the blood from his lip.

"Excuse me?" Erin asked as she turned and looked at him.

"You heard me" Landon said as he walked over to the sink and turned the water on to rinse his mouth out. "Why do you want to pin some kid on me? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous?" Erin asked "Of what?"

"That I'd rather be with Annie instead of you. That she makes me happier than you could. I think it's pretty pathetic, don't you?" Landon asked as he rinsed his mouth out.

"How'd you even know I was pregnant?" Erin asked as she placed a hand on her stomach in an act of protection.

"Annie told me. She said you told her it was mine. But here's the thing, Erin. I don't want you and I sure as hell don't want some bastard kid" Landon said as he wiped his mouth and walked over to where Erin stood.

"I just thought that you'd want to know. I don't want anything from you, Landon. I never have and I never will. I just thought that you'd want to know your child" Erin said quietly.

Landon laughed with a hint of venom in the sound "You think that I want you to try to pin some kid on me that isn't mine? Fuck no. How many times do I need to say that I don't want you, I don't love you, and I sure as hell don't want a baby"

"Hey baby, you're going to be so proud of me, I sold some Oxy..."

Erin turned towards the door as it opened and her the girl she thought was supposed to be her best friend, Annie, walked in.

"...Oh...Hi Erin... What are you doing here?" Annie said as she walked up to Landon and wrapped an arm around him.

"Nothing...I was just leaving" Erin said as she forced a smile and moved away from her spot.

"Erin?" Landon called as Erin made her way to the door.

"Yeah?" Erin asked as she turned to look at Landon and Annie.

"Do yourself a favor and get an abortion. What kind of mom do you think you're actually going to be?" Landon asked.

"Landon..." Annie said "Babe, don't"

"No" Landon said as he moved out of Annie's grasp. "You said the same thing last night. She's going to be a terrible mother"

Erin shook her head and tried to ignore the sting of Landon's words and what her best friend really thought of her.

"Erin..." Annie said softly "I mean...do you really think a baby is for you?"

Erin sighed before she looked at Annie and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Annie, but the thing is your opinion doesn't matter to me, not anymore. Good luck to you both, I don't know two people who deserve each other more"

"Erin..." Annie called as she started to go after Erin as she walked out the door.

"Let her go" Landon said as he watched Annie go after Erin.

Annie sighed and turned towards Landon. "Do you think she'll be back?"

"Not if she knows what's good for her" Landon said as he watched Erin drive away.

 **0000000000000000**

Hank drove home in complete silence. He hadn't known what had come over him. He felt awful, foolish, and pathetic all at the same time. When he finally pulled in his driveway, he found Jay there waiting for him.

"What are you doing here, Jay?" Hank asked as he got out of his car.

Jay walked over to meet Hank as he made his way up to the stairs. "I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes"

"If it's about work, it can wait until Monday" Hank said as he walked past Jay and up the stairs

"It's not about work, it's about Erin" Jay explained.

"What about Erin?" Hank asked as he unlocked his door.

"I want to help her" Jay said "Through all of this and whatever else she might need. But helping her is a lot easier with your support. I know that you two are on rocky terms right now but I also know how much Erin needs you and she's so upset that she's disappointed you. And I know what it's like to grow up without a father or at least a "Good" father and I don't want that for Erin or her baby. And it's not like I'm here asking your permission to be with her, I'm not. I'm just here to let you know that I'm not going anywhere and I'm going to be there for her through all of this"

Hank turned and looked at Jay and sighed as he looked at him "That's great Jay, it really is and I know I don't say this to you, but I'm glad that Erin has you. But don't make a promise to her that you can't keep"

"What do you mean?" Jay asked as he walked up the steps.

"What happens when you meet someone you want to marry, Jay? I mean do you really think any future wife you may meet is going to be OK with you stepping up as a father to a kid that isn't yours?" Hank asked.

"It wouldn't be like that" Jay said "And who says that Erin and I can't make this work?"

Hank sighed and gave Jay a slight smile "Jay, do you honestly think that Erin's even looking for a relationship right now? She's got so much on her plate at the moment that you throwing pebbles at her window is one of the last things that she needs. And I don't want you to lead her on by promising her things that you can't keep. I don't think you realize how hard it is to take care of a baby that isn't yours"

Jay shook his head "I'd never lead Erin on and I never have and even if I would meet someone that isn't Erin and I'd get married, I wouldn't turn my back on her. I'm not that kind of person and if you don't know that about me by now...then..."

Hank held his hand up to stop Jay from continuing "It's not that I don't think you're a stand up guy, Jay. I do. I'm just looking at things in the big picture. It's not fair to Erin or this baby for you to take on a role that you're not always going to be around to fill"

"What's wrong with your hand?" Jay asked finally noticing the swollen hand of his boss.

"It's nothing. I took a drive and I went to see Landon" Hank explained.

"What did he have to say?" Jay asked as he felt rage burning withing him at the mere mention of Landon's name.

Hank shook his head, "It's not even worth repeating. He just doesn't want to be a father"

Jay felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he pulled it out to see Erin's name flash across the screen.

"It's Erin...I've got to go" Jay explained

"Jay!" Hank called

Jay turned to walk towards his car and he turned as he heard Hank call his name.

"Yeah?" Jay asked as he looked back at Hank.

"Just think about what I said. Please. I don't want Erin or this baby or even you to get hurt down the road" Hank explained.

"Alright" Jay said as he turned and walked towards his car.

 **0000000000000000**

"Jay, I don't know about this" Erin said as she looked at the building in front of her.

Jay had somehow talked her into going out with him for dinner and a movie to take her mind off of her current situation.

When he'd answered her phone call when he'd left Hank's she'd broke down crying and told him about her visit with Landon and Annie and had asked him if he'd come over for pizza and Netflix, but Jay didn't want Erin to sit and be sad all night, so he'd suggested that he'd take her out for the night to cheer her up.

"Erin, come on, it'll be fun" Jay assured as he pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off.

"This baby is pretty picky about the things that I eat. If I throw up are you going to hold my hair back?" Erin asked.

"I'll support you from outside your bathroom door" Jay said finally earning a smile from Erin for the first time that night.

"Of course" Erin said as she got out of the passenger side of the car and followed Jay up to the restaurant.

 **00000000**

Erin stood on the balcony at the rear of the ballroom of the restaurant, the warm spring breeze blowing off the water, softly caressing her face. She closed her eyes and sighed as she let the air envelope her. She just needed a few minutes to cool off.

She and Jay were having a wonderful time, but Jay had asked her to dance and may be it was the pregnancy hormones or maybe it was just those feelings for Jay that somehow wouldn't go away...things had been getting very intense between them on the dance floor.

The way that Jay was holding her in his arms was more than the way friends do. He was holding her as only a lover would; fitting her body against his so intimately that like it was where she was meant to be for the rest of her life.

Not that she minded. She relished being that close to him. She was enjoying being in his arms because it felt so right; like she was born to be there. But, she finally had to excuse herself because she knew if she didn't she was going to jump him right there in the middle of the dance floor.

She shivered slightly but not from the cold. She rubbed her hands over her upper arms, remembering the feel of Jay's arms around her. They fit together so perfectly.

A heated blush crept up Erin's neck to her face as she thought about how perfectly they truly fit together, the memories of him buried deep inside her body flooding her mind.

Erin was feeling completely overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through her. She had come to a decision tonight and she wasn't sure what to do about it. Despite her insistence that they should be just friends, Erin knew, without a doubt, that she didn't want live without Jay any longer.

She loved him. It was that simple.

They had been to hell and back and their friendship had survived. In fact, their whole relationship had become stronger because of it.

But how should she tell him? He had made it clear that tonight was to be about friendship. No pressure. Just best friends enjoying the night. How could she tell him she wanted more? Would he even want that anymore?

Of course he would. He loved her. She knew he loved her.

It sure seemed like he did her by the way he was holding her and touching her and looking at her. The desire she saw in his eyes earlier on the dance floor left no doubt that he wanted her, but did he still want to be with her?

Would he actually want to take on the responsibility of a child? Was it selfish for her to ask him to be with her?

Erin ran her hand down over her stomach and smiled sadly. "I really messed this daddy thing up for you, huh. I'm sorry that I messed up and wasn't able to give you a daddy who actually wants us. But I'm going to be the best mom for you, I promise. No matter what, I'm always going to be there for you and you're never going to doubt how much I love you. Cause I already love you so much. And I promise you, I'm going to find you the best daddy in the whole world, but until then, it's you and me and nothing will ever change how much I love you. How much I already love you and we haven't even met each other yet"

 **00000000**

Jay watched Erin for a few minutes from the doorway. She looked like she was deep in thought and he wondered if she was thinking about him. God, he hoped so.

He wondered if she thought of him as often as he thought of her. Thoughts of her consumed his every waking hour and his non-waking hours as well. The dreams he'd been having lately were so vivid and real and so incredibly hot and he'd be humiliated if Erin ever found out about them.

He loved her so completely, so unconditionally; he would give her the world if it was in has ability. He wanted to spend the rest of his life showing her how deeply he loved and cherished her. He had to find some way to tell her.

He promised her there would be no pressure tonight. He would keep that promise. Tomorrow he'd tell her and face whatever consequences came with that. He hoped she wouldn't pull away from him, but regardless of the outcome, he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his feelings to himself.

With his new resolve, Jay walked up behind her and said her name softly.

"Erin?"

Erin turned and looked at him as if she had known he was there all the time.

She had.

She felt him the second he had set foot on the balcony.

"Hey" Erin smiled

Jay's eyes darkened and he stood beside her, placing his hand on the small of her back.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice quiet and warm.

She smiled at him, her heart racing again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wanted some air." She hesitated a moment, then stepped closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes drifted closed.

"What was that for?" He asked, looking at her again, the feeling of her soft lips lingering even after she pulled away.

"That was to say thank you."

"Thank you for what?"

"Thank you for a great night Jay. I'm having a wonderful time tonight and it's because of you."

He smiled as his hand rose to caress her cheek softly.

"This has been a beautiful night Erin. Thank you for allowing me to be your date."

Erin covered his hand with her own and her eyes drifted closed as she felt the heat of his soft touch.

The music from inside the ballroom drifted through the doors and Jay's hand slid down her neck and over her arm slowly until it reached her hand.

"Do you want to dance?" He asked as he bowed gallantly, her hand clasped gently in his.

Erin couldn't help but giggle at his dramatics.

"Why of course." Erin murmured delightedly.

Jay pulled her close to him, his hand settled at her waist, his other hand resting over hers against his chest.

She smelled like lavender, so warm and sweet. She filled his senses so completely, he actually felt dizzy. Unable to resist, he lowered his face and buried it in her silky hair.

Erin's heartbeat accelerated, her body beginning to hum as she and Jay swayed gently to the music.

"What is with you tonight Jay?" She asked as they moved around the balcony.

"What do you mean?" He asked, lifting his face from her hair, trying to hide the panic in his voice. Had he been that obvious?

"All this dancing? I don't think you've ever danced this much in your entire life."

He chuckled, relieved.

"Come on Erin. What are you complaining about? At least I don't step on your feet."

"Thank God for small favors. I don't want to add bruised toes to the list of pregnancy symptoms." Erin giggled at Jay's attempt at a wounded face. "Ow!"

"Oops. Sorry Er." Jay looked at her sheepishly. "So much for my extraordinary dancing skills."

Silence fell over them as they held one another close, the music wafting around them, as they got lost in the feel of each other.

Erin tilted her head up as the two locked eyes. And she felt Jay's head gently fall as his lips grazed hers. Jay's tongue slid between her lips, seeking out her sweet taste, a taste that was uniquely Erin and one he knew he would never again be able to live without.

Erin slid her arms up and around his neck and thread her fingers in his short hair as their tongues caressed each other's. Jay held her as tightly as he dared, wanting her closer; as close as was physically possible.

The kiss seemed go on forever. It was a kiss full of love and longing and desire and hope. When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless, their eyes glazed and wild.

Jay rested his forehead against hers and looked deeply into her eyes. He saw what he was looking for and everything in his life, at that one moment, finally clicked together.

 **0000000000000000**

 **Do you think it's still too soon for Erin and Jay to jump into anything?**

 **What would you guys like to see regarding Erin's pregnancy (morning sickness, pregnancy drama, childbirth class, etc)**

 **Or any other things you'd like to see just let me know**

 **Please Review**


	4. Fire and Rain

**Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. I took what you guys said about Erin and Jay into consideration and I hope that you like what I came up with.**

 **Please Enjoy**

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Erin Lindsay?" A woman called standing in the doorway. Erin stood up slowly, shakily, not sure if she could stand, her name had never seemed so frightening. She held her hand out for Kim silently; she took it and walked with her slowly to the woman in the doorway. Today was the day, she was going to find out what this precious baby inside of her was, and she was nervous to say the least.

Once they got there, the woman looked at her with a warm smile. "Come with me," she said leading them to the door of the examination room. She opened the door and stood inside. Erin just looked at the room, standing in the doorway, afraid to venture any further. The room looked nice enough, peach walls and a table with a pretty bouquet of flowers on it, but in the middle of the room sat a bed and a curtain. She didn't think she had ever been so nervous in her life. She covered her stomach with her arms and walked inside slowly, it seemed as though the room was walking towards her than the other way around. She walked further into the room and looked around nervously, turning her attention to the woman who held a gown in her hand.

"If you would change into this the doctor should be with you in ten minutes or so," she said handing her the gown. "You friend is welcome to stay if that's what you'd like," she told her and Kim just nodded as the woman walked out. Erin looked around, clutching the gown and finally sat on the bed.

"Second thoughts?" Kim questioned her sitting beside her; Erin just looked down at the tiles on the ground and let herself collapse into her hand.

"Erin, if you're having second thoughts it's okay," Kim said wrapping her arms around her shoulders in comfort, pulling her closer to her into a warm embrace.

"I'm scared," Erin told her, only the second time she had spoken since they had entered the building. She looked out the window and to the rain that fell heavily. "I mean, I know that this baby's coming. But it's like, I'm about to know for sure that this is my son or daughter. And it scares the hell out of me. What if the things Landon and Annie said are true? What if I'm better off giving this baby up for adoption...or maybe getting an abortion"

"Don't let them drop you to this level, Erin," Kim reassured her. "Nobody says you have to find out what you're having today, but I can tell you one thing, you're going to be a great mom." she told her, hoping she would change her mind.

"I just feel like sometimes I don't have a choice," Erin answered, looking at the gown. Kim hopped off the bed and looked at her sternly.

"No, y'know what you do, you do have a choice. Y'know what not having a choice is? Not having a choice is being fourteen years old and being scared out of you mind," Kim told her. "Having no choice is when someone tells you that if you don't get rid of your child then they will cut it out themselves. Having no choice is having a gutting knife held to your neck as they tell you that if you tell anyone about what they did. That if you told anyone that they got you pregnant that they would slash open your neck," Kim said, tears cascading painfully. "We see it every day and you know that Erin. You're so lucky that you have people to support you. So what if Landon doesn't want to be a dad, screw him. You deserve better and your baby deserves better and that's what you're going to have."

Erin watched on, shocked by the revelations. "You have a choice Erin, you have Jay, who would walk over hot coals, who wants this baby and will help you with this baby. You always have a choice and if you'd choose to not keep your baby, you're making the wrong one. Now I'm not telling you what to do, but just let me tell you one thing nice and clearly," Kim told her, leaning either side of her gritting her teeth to stop the tears. "You'll be a great mom, I can tell, I know you"

"Thanks" Erin said with a smile as the doctor knocked on the door and came in.

"Hello Erin. Are we ready to find out what we're having today?"

Erin looked at Kim and then ran a hand down over her stomach.

"I sure am"

 **000000000000000**

"Well, are you happy?" Kim asked as she looked over at Erin "Did you get your wish?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders and smiled"I'd have been happy with either outcome, but yes, I got what I wanted"

"I think we're in the mood for celebration music," Kim said turning on the radio and continuing down the road. "God this road is wet," Kim said looking out over the steering wheel as the road looked like a small stream.

A pair of headlights came down the other side of the road, it was traveling fast, too fast, and the lights were coming into their direction.

Kim tried to swerve tried to get out of the car's collision path but the road was too wet, too dangerous. The more she swerved the closer to the car it got, finally coming to a head, crashing into the blue Volvo with a force, sending the car spinning out of control. Kim tried to scream but no sound came out. She felt her head jerk as the front of the car crumpled into the side of another coming the other way, hitting her head on the steering wheel as they came to a sudden stop. Her head rested on the steering wheel, hung over it like a rag doll with trail of blood seeping from her forehead.

As the car span Erin tried to hold on, holding onto the dashboard, she was scared, much more scared than she had ever been, she felt the urge to protect herself, to protect the baby. She watched Kim as she tried to swerve out of the way, unable to control the car with the slippery conditions. As the car crashed to its terminal stop her head threw itself to the widow, shattering the window with her head. The blood seeped from her head and her lip, rolling down the shattered glass of the window, body limp as she came into contact.

The car stood by the side of the road, the rain fell heavily, hitting the window and slowly rousing Kim from her unconsciousness. She lifted her head from the steering wheel slowly, holding her head and looking at the blood that ran down the creases in her fingers. She didn't know how long she had been lying there but it looked a little darker than before, a pain shot though her legs and up her spine as her head thumped painfully. She looked over to Erin as she lay with her head against the window, she didn't move. Kim tried to move but couldn't, she couldn't feel her legs, she thought she couldn't see her legs within the mangled wreckage of the car at her feet but wasn't sure. When she was satisfied that she was indeed looking at her legs she gasped in horror at the sight of the bone in her leg that stuck out of her skin sharply. She reached over to the release button of the seatbelt and un-strapped herself painfully. She reached over to Erin slowly, terrified of what she would find; she swallowed the large lump in her throat as she put her fingers to the pulse in her friends' neck. She placed two fingers on her neck and sighed with a relief as she felt her pulse throb beneath her fingers.

Reaching her hand as far over as she could reach before the pain disabled her, she felt in front of her friends mouth, feeling the steady breathing on her skin. She placed her hand on her cheek, hoping she would wake with the sudden warmth. Erin stirred gently and opened her eyes, finding her neck stiff and her head throbbing, blood pouring down her skin slowly in small rivers of wet and dry blood. For a moment she wasn't sure where she was, all she could see was broken glass and the mangled wreckage of the car by the roadside in the pouring rain. She didn't know what she was seeing at first but she knew what she felt, sharp pains in her left arm shot through her and her head was light.

"Erin? Erin are you ok?" Kim asked worriedly as she watched Erin come out of her daze slowly, looking around and getting her baring. The pain in her legs was getting worse, each time she tried to move she hurt. She could tell she wasn't going to be able to walk away, the metal was too close to her skin, it was going to talk a lot to get her out of the wreckage in one piece.

"What happened?" Erin asked groggily, trying to move but Kim stopped her. Touching her shoulder, stilling her. She looked over at her and the obvious pain on her face, looking down she saw the wreckage, caging Kim into the drivers' side.

"I think its best that you don't try to move," Kim said stilling her with her hands. "We crashed pretty bad," Kim said, stating the obvious and trying to fit herself into the most comfortable position. She didn't know what to do, fear shot through as reality hit her, the reality of Erin and the baby she had fought so hard to save.

"Are you okay?" Erin asked gazing at her and her legs.

"I think so, I know my legs are broken," Kim said, hoping that broken was all they were, they looked crushed more than broken. "Do you hurt?" she asked her worriedly.

She could tell Erin was in pain and watched her as the situation hit her, her eyes becoming wide, and her breathing rapid, hollow in the small confines of the wreckage.

"The baby!" Erin said suddenly, tears bursting to her eyes instantly as the reality finally hit her. She thought the worst, she couldn't help but to think the worst, and this was the worst situation she could think of. She had saved her baby but this was happening to her, it was a sign, this was most definitely the world's worst and cruelest case of irony ever experienced.

Erin's breathing deepened and continued to increase in rapidity, reacting to the shock and fear bolting through her body like a bolt of lightening. She was panicking, there was no doubt about that, but this was the perfect time to panic, she was responsible for two lives and she wasn't protecting her child like a mother, she tried to get out, shaking the car. Kim moaned in pain and put her hand on her shoulder calming her, or at least she was trying to calm her, Erin could not be calmed.

"Calm down Erin okay, calm down and stay still Erin. This is not a good time to stress okay you have got to stay calm okay?" she told her through the pain, shooting up her legs and to her back. She had to calm down, she didn't know much but she knew that stress was very bad for a baby especially in a situation such as this.

As much as she told her to stay calm she knew that she couldn't, no-body could stay calm when their child's life was in danger, a child she really wanted.

"I'm scared Kim," Erin said grabbing onto her hand and breathing rapidly, holding her stomach with her right hand, trying to protect it. "I feel empty, I feel empty it's gone, I know it is I'm being punished Kim, I'm being Punished for making these decisions. I'm being punished," Erin cried, hyperventilating on her tears. She couldn't breathe through her tears, everything seemed more intense in the silence of the car, silence was the loudest sound, screaming in her ear, chilling her.

"Ok, ok calm down Erin just calm down you're not helping yourself," Kim said holding her hand firmly and calming her down. "Are you hurting anywhere?" Kim asked her.  
"My head hurts and my arm, my left arm hurts," Erin said holding her arm, she was sure it was broken but she was more concerned about the baby, and Kim.

"We have to get help Erin," Kim said, tears pouring from her eyes. "My legs are killing me, I can't get out, every time I look down all I see is my legs and the car crushed against them. It's bad Erin," Kim cried softly, salty droplets tumbling down her cheeks in fear and horror of the pain, the pain was unbearable, she was sure she was going to pass out.

"What about the other car?" Erin asked, moving her neck slowly and painfully to look at the other car, the driver was nowhere to be seen. He had run off, fled after the crash, afraid of confrontation when he had no insurance.

It shocked Erin to know that someone had seen them in such a bad way and not even check them or call for help, it was the lowest thing in the world.

"I've got to find my purse, it has my phone in it, we have to get help," Erin said trying to look calm but failing miserably. She turned her attention to the car, scanning it for her purse; she had to get help. She need to call an ambulance, she needed to get some help before she lost her baby forever. She was worried about Kim's legs, she looked at them and didn't like what she saw, they were mangled and didn't stop bleeding. Luckily Kim could feel them, that was a good sign, she couldn't feel the baby like she could before, she was sure it was gone.

Tears seeped from her eyes at the thoughts, fears rushing through her head, terrified of losing, more terrified than she had ever been before. This was a sorrow, a worse sorrow than when Nadia had died, Nadia had a chance of life and this baby hadn't, she needed to get help. She looked around searching for her purse; she smiled a little when she located it on the floor beside Kim's feet. She un-strapped herself and bent over, the pain in her neck was shooting through her, she knew it wasn't serious, maybe whiplash but nothing serious. She reached out for her purse, down beside Kim's feet, putting her hand over her mouth at the sight of it, she grabbed her purse and got her phone out of it, praying it would still work. She switched it on, looking doubtfully at it and it's dented appearance, a sigh of relief washed over her as the backlight came on. She tried to still her hand until she was able to dial 911, calling for help, they needed help, all three of them. 

**000000000000000**

Jay glanced at his watch as he sipped what was probably the worst cup of coffee he had ever drunk. The coffee machine in the intensive care unit of Chicago Med should be put out of its misery.

Jay couldn't help but wonder if this coffee had ever poisoned anyone. At least they were at the right place if it did.

Jay glanced at his watch again. He had been pacing in front of Erin's room for the past half hour, waiting for the doctor to finish examining her. After Erin had woken up this morning, Jay had immediately notified the doctor and then Jay was whisked out the door, which was promptly closed, and the curtains in the window facing the nurse's station were drawn.

What was taking so long?

April, walked over to him with an exasperated look on her face.

"Jay, you wearing a rut in the floor."

Jay looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, April. I just can't help myself. What is taking so long in there? The doctor's been in there for over a half hour now."

"Jay, it takes time," She laughed at him. "They've got check all her vitals, then do a pelvic exam, then remember that big machine they wheeled in there?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"That's used that to do an ultrasound and make sure the baby's ok and that there's no internal bleedling. It just takes time."

He still didn't think it should be taking this long, but he nodded his head.

"All right, I'll sit." He conceded

"This coffee sucks you know." He gestured to the cup in his hand as she laughed out loud.

"Tell me about it. Try the machine in the maternity wing if you're that hard up for coffee. At least it won't kill ya." She said as she walked back to the nurse's station.

Jay threw his half empty cup in the trash and was about the head down to maternity, when Hank stepped off the elevator.

"Jay, how's Erin? Is the doctor still with her?"

"Yeah, she should be done anytime though."

Jay still wasn't sure what to think of Hank. After his outburst in the emergency room, Hank didn't broach the subject again of how long he and Erin had been together.

Jay wasn't sure if he should be frightened by that or not.

Granted, when he had returned to the hospital to see Erin in ICU, Hank had led him right into her, even told Dr. Goodwin that he was family.

He didn't yell or scream or try to gut him from behind.

Yeah, he decided. He should probably be very afraid.

Hank tilted his head as he studied him standing there, still in his clothes from yesterday, hair sticking up from a night of little or no sleep, dark circles under his eyes and a weary look on his face.

"Jay, you look like shit. Why don't you go home an get some sleep?" Hank commented, smirking.

"Thanks, Hank. You always know just what to say to boost a guy's ego. Both you and Erin are so good at that."

"I've taught her well. Seriously though, Jay, did you get any sleep last night?"

He shook his head.

"No, not really. I must have dozed a little because Erin did wake me up. Apparently I was drooling on her hand."

He joked, letting some of the relief he felt show to the one other person who probably felt it as much as he.

"You must be exhausted though. You really should go home an get some sleep."

"No, I told her I wouldn't leave."

Jay looked at the door, and then began to pace again. Hank watched him for a moment, and then put a hand on his arm gently.

"Jay, she's okay. She's going to be okay."

He felt his body relax, but only slightly.

"I know how worried you were worried about her. I know I didn't say this to you last night, but I appreciate you being there for her."

Hank shuddered a little as he tried to will himself not to get emotional. The last think Erin needs is Hank being an emotional wreck, even though that's how Hank felt.

"Hank, don't thank me. I'm the reason this happened to her in the first place. If I'd just left work early I could've taken her to her appointment and she and Burgess wouldn't have been in the accident"

"Jay, don't say that. It's not your fault. It just happened. We should all just be grateful that she's okay."

He felt part of the weight on his shoulders lessen, but not lift.

"I know Hank. I'm just surprised you're not about to kick my ass for not getting to her faster."

Hank's eyes narrowed, but didn't show any signs of malice.

"Who said I'm not?

"I love her Hank." He said simply.

" I know you do, Jay. That's why I haven't killed you yet."

Hank nudged him with his shoulder as the door to Erin's room opened and Dr. Manning emerged.

Hank spoke up first.

"How is she?"

Dr. Manning smiled at them both as she closed Erin's chart.

"She's doing very well. Her vital signs are good. There's no internal bleeding. And the baby is doing very well. Considering the condition she was in when she arrived yesterday, all in all, I'd say she's recovering quite nicely. Her abdomen is still very tender, but that's to be expected. It will be for a while."

"When can she go home?"

"Well, I'm moving her out of ICU this afternoon and as long as there are no problems, she should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. I may want to keep her one more day though. I'll make that determination in the morning. I've warned her that her recovery time is going to be longer than she plans."

"I'm sure that didn't make her too happy," Hank joked, knowing Erin like the back of his hand.

Dr. Manning laughed.

"She certainly had her opinions on it. But I warned her that she'll be on complete bed rest for at least a week and limited mobility for several."

"You can go in and see her now, but please don't stay too long. She needs her rest if she wants to recover as quickly as she says she intends to. I'm also instructing that she be given some additional pain medication. She is very uncomfortable right now."

Dr. Manning walked over to speak to April, leaving Hank and Jay to go into Erin's room.

Jay yawned audibly as Hank grabbed the handle of the door.

"Go home Jay. I'll tell her where you went. You're asleep on your feet."

He shook his head.

"No, I told her I wouldn't leave."

"Jay, I'm sure she doesn't expect you to stay here all the time."

"That's not what I meant Hank."

He sighed resignedly. "Okay, let me just go tell her I'm going to go home and shower. Then I'll come back."

 **000000000000000**

Erin looked up as the door opened and she smiled tentatively as Hank and Jay walked in.

"Hey." Hank said as he walked over to the bed and dropped at kiss on Erin's head.

"Hey. How bad do you want to kill me right now?" Erin asked, a hint of fear evident in her voice.

She was not up to a heated discussion; the one she dreaded would happen once Hank got her alone.

Hank sat in the chair next to the bed.

"Not so much. I figure I'll let you heal first, then I'll probably just maim you later." Hank grabbed her hand and squeezed gently.

Erin sighed in relief as she looked past Hank to Jay. He had his hands in his pockets and was nervously rocking from one foot to the other.

Erin frowned slightly, wishing he would step closer.

April walked in carrying a tray with two pills and a small glass of water.

"I come bearing drugs." She announced, smiling, noticing instantly the tension that filled the room.

"Oh, Thank God!" The words slipped out of Erin's mouth before she could stop them. She was extremely uncomfortable and every time she moved, it felt like someone was sticking a knife in her stomach.

April chuckled. "Now, that's not a reaction I get everyday. Most people hate taking medicine."

Erin smiled sheepishly as April handed her the pills.

"Here darling, take these. They'll make you feel much better. You won't find anything any better. At least not legally." April said as she winked.

She took the glass back from Erin and started to walk out of the room.

"Are these..." Erin started

"Perfectly fine for your baby? Yes. No worries there. Your little one will be just fine" April assured

"Ok" Erin said with relief.

"Those should kick in relatively quickly. They should knock you out too; so don't worry if you get really sleepy all of a sudden. All the best drugs either make you hyper or sleepy."

"I don't want to go to sleep. I just woke up." Erin complained.

April stopped with her hand on the door.

"Well, then tell this guy over here to get some. From what I hear, he was up all night watching you sleep." She motioned to Jay as she opened the door and walked out.

Erin looked over at him, her eyes full of a mixture of love and gratitude and he smiled, his eyes never leaving hers.

Hank interrupted their silent moment.

"And while we're on that note, Erin, I'm sending Jay home to shower and change. He's pretty ripe."

"I'll tell you Hank, the compliments are just oozing out of your mouth today." Jay sighed

Hank shrugged nonchalantly.

"Well, if you can't hear the truth from those who love you, then whom can you hear it from?"

Jay stepped around the bed and took Erin's hand gently.

"I know I said I wouldn't leave Er, and as much as I hate to admit it," Jay glared at Hank over the bed. "I'm afraid Hank's right. I just need a shower and some fresh clothes and then I'll come back. That is if you want me to?" He asked hesitantly, hoping she wouldn't say no.

"That's okay Jay. You should get some sleep first. It's not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be fine." Erin noticed how truly tired he looked and all she wanted was to was wrap her arms around him and pull him into the hospital bed with her so that he could sleep.

"Yeah, I'm going to grill her for a while and then those pills will probably kick in anyway. Now, get the hell out of here and go to sleep!"

Jay leaned down and kissed Erin's forehead.

"I won't be long Erin."

And before either could respond, he strode out the door.

 **0000000**

As the door closed, Hank turned back to Erin.

"So, now that he's gone, you can stop fighting the pain I can see behind your eyes."

Erin's body relaxed a little and she let some of the discomfort she had been trying to hide from Jay show.

"How did you know I was hiding it?"

"Because Erin, I've known you long enough to know when you're you scared the hell out of us!" Hank exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Hank."

"I'm sure you're not up to talking about this now and I understand that. I'm not going yell at you Erin. That's the last thing you need right now. I'm just so glad you're all right. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my entire life, Erin."

Erin frowned as she squeezed Hank's hand tighter and Hank rose from the chair and sat gingerly on side of the bed.

Erin winced slightly.

"Oh, Erin, I'm sorry! Do you not want me to sit here?" He asked apologetically.

"No, it's okay. I just need to adjust myself a little. Every part of me is throbbing." Erin admitted.

Hank let Erin settle.

"I'm sorry about how things have been between us lately, Hank."

Dr. Manning had filled Erin in the events of the previous evening. Despite the intense pain she was in right now, Erin still couldn't comprehend how close to death she and her baby had actually had come. Now, alone with Hank, Erin began to let her defenses down and her eyes began to well.

"Erin, don't be sorry. I just want you to know that you can come to me. Always"

"I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me." Erin whispered, lowering her eyes.

Hank's heart cracked a little. Moving closer, Hank wrapped his arms gently around Erin. "I'm not disappointed, Erin. No matter what it's going to be OK"

In the safe arms of the man she thought of as her father, Erin began to cry.

 **0000000**

An hour and a half after he had left, Jay walked back into Erin's room, finding her sound asleep.

He quietly walked to the bed and stood watching her for a long time, comforted by just being in her presence.

He tried to stifle a yawn as the stress, strain and fatigue of the last 24 hours swept over him. Although the shower had refreshed him a little, he was still fighting just to keep his eyes open. He hadn't even let himself sit down on the couch at his apartment, afraid that if he did, he would fall into a sleep so deep he wouldn't wake for days.

Not knowing how long Erin would sleep, but unable to leave her side, Jay slumped down into one of the chairs by the window. He tried to get comfortable, finding it a difficult task.

He finally pulled another chair over and lifted his feet up to rest on the seat. It was a pretty poor excuse for a bed, but it would have to do.

He leaned his head back and shut his eyes. He was asleep within minutes. And soon he began to dream.

 **000000000000000**

 **Please Review**

 **I know I didn't reveal the sex of the baby, but I'm not quite sure on what I want it to be yet.**

 **I like the idea of it being a boy, but then I also like the idea of it being a girl. I'll more than likely reveal it in the next chapter.**

 **So, if you guys have a preference, don't hesitate to drop it in a review!**


	5. I Never Told You

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I very much appreciate them.**

 **I had a request to add some Burzek in this chapter to tie up some ends about what happened to Burgess in the last chapter after the wreck.**

 **I hope that you guys like it.**

 **00000000000000**

Erin laid quietly in the bed as the doctor prepared to do an ultrasound on her. She was supposed to be released to go home this morning, but had woken up with severe cramping and some mild spotting and was now laying in wait for the doctor on call to make his decision on what he was going to do.

Erin and Jay watched on as the doctor ran the equipment over her stomach; he had been silent for a long time, never speaking only working. Jay felt the heart beat faster in his chest, he was anxious before but now, watching him work without a word, he was fearful of what was happening. He watched Erin as she stared at him, trying to figure out his facial expressions, but he showed none.

"What's going on in there Doc?" Jay asked finally, unable to hold his tongue any longer, he needed to find out.

"Anxious?" he asked him and they both nodded.

"Wouldn't you be?" Erin asked him agitated. This doctor was too nice, too polite, he never said anything.

"I guess so," he said and smiled as he finished the scan. He wiped her stomach with a paper towel and took a seat behind the motor, rolling it closer to the gurney where she lay.

"Well?" Jay asked him softly, urging him to say something, anything, as long as it was good.

"Well, all-in-all things seem alright. However your hormone level is a little low for this stage in your pregnancy," He told her.

"Well will it be okay, how's the baby?" she asked him. He hadn't said she had lost it so it must be alright, but his face wasn't completely happy.

"It can be sorted out, usually they will double in the next 48 hours or so. The baby isn't showing many signs of trauma, which is good, but your stress levels are a lot higher than they should be. You have a little bit of hypertension and you need to slow down, calm down a little bit," he said but she cut him off.

"Well doctor, no disrespect intended to yourself, but I have just been in a motor vehicle accident y'know I'm not just talking a walk in the park. It's stressful y'know I don't think you understand how stressful that was. Watching my friend like that, worrying about my baby it's hardly easy," Erin told him getting worked up, feeling tears in her eyes as she said the words.

"Erin, I'm sure he understands that, he's just doing his job," Jay said reassuring her, stroking her shoulder lightly.

"I know, I know but it was stressful," she told him and looked back to the doctor.

"I'm sorry, but it is possible it might not just from the accident. I want to keep you in a few days in maternity for observation, just to make sure it was just the stress of the accident and to check that the hormone levels are improving. We would like just to make sure everything is as it should be, check on the progress of the pregnancy, before we discharge you," he said, looking down at his notes.

"And how long is that?" Jay questioned curiously, he wanted to know how long it would be before she could be back home with him.

"Well if everything is okay then you should be able to go home in a few days, if not maybe up to a week. Do you share a home?" he asked them

"No," Erin said. "He's not...he's not the baby's father"

"No," Jay said as Erin said yes. "But," Jay paused looking at her. "Well we're still sorting out arrangements," he told her and Erin smiled softly. She certainly couldn't live with him and not be stressed.

"Well, I am recommending a complete bed-rest period of six to eight weeks for you and you will have to take good care of yourself very well during that time. Y'know reduce your stress levels, cut out any heavy work, lifting, stressful situations - that kind of thing. I would also recommend a visit every week and more sonograms than usual throughout the pregnancy. But if we keep a close eye on you I don't think that there will be too many problems carrying close to full term," he told her. Clapping his hands together and watching their faces.

"What do you mean close to full term?" Jay asked him, creasing his brow at the doctors' comment.

"Well with trauma's it is a very high risk of premature birth, however there are ways we can stop it if it was so early that it was going to cause the baby problems," he said closing his clipboard firmly. He was definitely a very strange doctor.

"But do you think it'll be okay?" Erin asked him anxiously.

"Well if we're keeping a close eye on the pregnancy, monitoring it closely we should spot any problems soon enough. As long as you take care and follow all of the advice I think we can reduce the possibility of any more miscarriage worries," he told her

"Hold on, I could still miscarry?" She asked him, her voice shaking.

"It's early days Miss Lindsay, pregnancies are always more fragile at this time, the baby isn't strong enough. As time goes on the risks will reduce," he said comforting her, laying his hand on her wrist for security.

"So if I take good care of her she should be okay?" Jay asked him nervously.

"As I say it's early days but right now that baby is stable, we'll take it one day at a time. Now if you will excuse me I have to get on with my rounds but do yo have any more questions?" he asked them standing up and looking at his watch.

"No, no I don't think so," Erin said looking at Jay who shrugged.

"No thank you doctor," Erin said, watching him as he left. "Well that was nerve wrecking," Erin told Jay as she looked up at him.

"Yeah, but right now we have to sort out some things," Jay told her, sitting closer to her and kissing her forehead. "So are you going to move in with me or what?" he asked her.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" she questioned him, a smile playing on her lips.

"Yes, I'm asking for you to move in with me. So whaddya say Erin?" He asked her and she smiled, reaching up to pull his lips towards hers.

She paused as his lips neared hers and smiled. "I love you Jay," she old him, letting tears collect in her eyes. "I couldn't have don't this without you. I don't know why you stuck with me after I was so cold to you about things," she said, her voice shaking. She could hear the words she had spoken to him in her head, and they sounded cruel to her. She had been selfish and old, she had seriously thought about aborting the baby although she knew that she wanted it desperately.

"Hey, well all that matters is that we're together now, me you and this baby, we're going to make it. I'm just so happy you changed your mind," he told her, cupping her cheek and looking softly into her depths.

"I'm happy you stayed," she told him sincerely. "You don't know how happy I am that you stayed Jay, I could have lost everything," she said, the tears pouring from her eyes at the thought.

"No you wouldn't have, because I wouldn't have left," Jay told her, reaching down and placing a kiss on her lips. They may have had a rough ride and the journey may be far from over but right now he had what he needed. "Everything is going to be OK, Erin. I promise"

"It's a boy" Erin said quietly

"What?" Jay asked.

"The baby's a boy. I found out before the wreck" Erin explained.

"A boy?" Jay asked a smile formed on his lips.

"Yeah...Can you picture me with a little boy?" Erin asked in disbelief.

"I can't picture a luckier kid" Jay assured.

 **00000000000000**

Adam walked cautiously into Kim's room, carrying a small bouquet of flowers; he had spoken to Platt who had informed him of her state of mind. He walked in and sat beside her, grabbing her hand, as she felt the warmth she turned her head and smiled weakly at him.

"Hi," he whispered softly, trying not to let his voice crackle like it had been when Platt had told him.

"Adam," Kim said softly. They were her only words for a few moments, she couldn't say anything, she was unable to speak, too overcome with shock. "You can go," she told him. She didn't want him to stay and see her like this; he wanted a girlfriend that could walk, not one like her.

"I don't want to go, I want to stay," he said, lifting her hand to his mouth and kissing it softly, resting his forehead against it. "How are you feeling?" he asked her softly, he wasn't sure what to say to her.

"Well I feel my top half not by bottom half how do you think I feel," she told him bitterly, letting the salty droplets return to her eyes. "Just go, you don't want me like this," she told him, her voice cracking as tears cascaded.

"Kim, I'm not going anywhere, you can shout at me you can hit me, you can act bitter and cold but I'm not leaving you," he told her.

He knew what she was trying to do, Platt had told him. She didn't want him to stay because she didn't want to burden him. "I love you," he told her.

She was a silent for a moment, taking in the words. She didn't know what to think; he had just told her he loved her and while that was what she had been waiting for. It wasn't what she needed.

"I love you too," she said, smiling weakly at him again. He reached over to her and planted a kiss on her lips. He wanted to tell her at a different time and place, with candlelight and music, but this time it needed to be said.

"Are you just telling me that because you pity me?" she asked him coldly, turning her face from him, unable to look at him.

"No, I wouldn't do that, I don't pity you I love you okay?" he told her sternly. "Y'know I didn't think your ears had been affected," he said, then wished he had not.

"Adam listen, we've been engaged and then we were over- And I may love you, and I may not have ever loved like that before but I don't think I can go down that road again," she told him.

She took her hand from his grasp and put her hands over her face, shielding him from the view of her tears. He watched as her lip trembled and tears leaked from her hands. He wiped his tears from his eyes and stood up, removing her hands from her face.

"Kim, I am not leaving you, I refuse to leave you because I know you don't mean it," he said kissing her lips softly, she broke away when she felt her chin quiver with her emotions.

"Adam you don't understand. I cant move my legs - I may never move my legs again and its best for you to get out of this relationship before its too late. You have a life - perusing anything with me right now would be foolish because I would ruin your life. You don't want a girlfriend who can't move her legs Adam. You don't want a girlfriend who put her best friend's life in danger," she told him. She felt awful, she felt awful about everything, the accident had been her fault, and Erin had bled, she knew she had lost the baby.

"Listen to me," Adam said gritting his teeth to cease his tears. "I love you, I will continue to love you no matter what you say to me. That accident was not your fault, and the baby may be okay. It could have happened to anyone and you are not to blame, Erin does not blame you. And you couldn't ruin my life, the only way you could ruin my life is by not being in it," he told her, emphasizing his points, she still didn't believe him.

"I could be paralyzed Adam, Paralyzed!" She shouted, breaking down in tears again. "Do you know what that means? Do I need to buy you a dictionary!" she screamed at him.

"You might not be, they said there's some swelling on you spinal chord, that could be all it is, in a few days you could be back to normal again," he told her. He didn't allow the tears to fall; he had to be strong.

"But most likely not!" she screamed. "Adam, you and me can't survive this, you have to move on, you don't want to spend your life rolling me around in a wheelchair. If I am paralyzed, I probably couldn't have kids; we couldn't have children together unless we had IVF" she told him. The tears stung her eyes and her throat throbbed painfully as her chin quivered with the emotion. It was best for him not to be around her.

"Kim! I love you, I have never loved anyone like I love you and I would rather have you this way than have anyone else," he told her, kneeling beside the bed and kissing her hand.

"You say that now, but you won't say that in a few years when you're carrying me up to bed every night. You'll be bitter and I can't let you get that way because I love what you are," she told him looking away from him. She couldn't look at him.

"If you love me then let me love you," he told her, fighting the liquid emotions forming in his ducts.

"Adam, have you ever heard of if you love someone set them free?" she asked him. He knew what she was implying. She didn't want him to be trapped in a relationship out of pity, she wanted someone to love her and not feel trapped, and that wasn't possible anymore.

"Maybe I don't want to be set free. Kim I am going to be with you. I don't care if you shout or scream, or hurt me I will stay here by your side and I will not leave because I love you," he told her. She opened her mouth and closed it again. She had run out of arguments but she didn't want him to be trapped.

"Excuse me?" A nurse said as she entered the room. "Could I ask you to leave we need to take Miss Burgess for some more tests," she said softly and he nodded.

"This is not over," he told her planting a kiss on her forehead and walking out the room to Erinin Platt in the waiting room. He slumped himself down on the chair beside her and lent his elbows on his knees, holding his face in his hands. He lost the composure he had desperately been trying to keep and finally broke down, sobbing into his hands. Platt placed her arms around his shoulders and brought his tall, strong frame to her in comfort.

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Erin lay in her bed reading a book when the door opened. A doctor and some hospital staff came in, rolling another girl in on a gurney and putting her into the bed. Erin looked up from her brook and gazed at her for a moment, she was tall with dark red hair and held her stomach as she lay down. The doctor said a few words and left the room.

"Hi," the girl shouted across the room. "I'm Chloe," she shouted again. Erin sat up and looked at her warmly, she had her own room for a few days, but she was genuinely happy that she wasn't alone anymore.

"Erin," she replied, looking over at her.

"So what you in lockup for?" the girl asked her and Erin laughed, putting down the book she was reading.

"Car accident a few days ago," she told her.

"Oh I thought you were pregnant. I'm sorry... I thought this was like a maternity place, not that you look it, that is not what I mean," She rambled trying to take her words back into her mouth.

"Oh no, no I am pregnant," Erin told her, sitting up in her bed even further.

"Oh my God you had an accident whilst you were pregnant?" the girl asked, swinging her legs around to the side of the bed and looking at her.

"Yeah, but I'm fine, just in for precautionary measure, I should be going home soon," she told her with a smile as she gently caressed her the small swell of her stomach.

"I am so glad for you, God knows what I would do if I were in that position, you must have been terrified out of your mind," Chloe said, looking at her intensely.

"Well yes I was, but once we had the scan and I heard everything was okay you have no idea how happy I was. They gave me the picture of the baby and I was just so fascinated by it. It doesn't show much but it just fascinated me," Erin said, looking at the picture she kept in the back of the book for a second.

"Can I see?" she asked. Erin nodded and handed it to her to look at.

"Oh wow, these things amaze me, they look kinda like potatoes though don't you think?" She asked handing it back to her.

"Kind of, I just hope it doesn't look like a potato when it comes out," Erin joked, putting the picture back into the book after looking at it for a moment.

"Oh I bet it will be gorgeous," Chloe told her, tucking her feet into bed and sitting up. "But trust me, this is my second time around. When it comes out, you're going to wish it was the size of a potato"

"Thanks" Erin said with a slight smile "So what about you? Why are you in here?" Erin questioned then paused. "I mean if you don't mind me asking I don't wish to pry or anything,"

"Oh no, no don't worry, to make a long story short, I haven't made the best choices this pregnancy. Old habits die hard...It's not anything that I'm putting into my body, please don't think that...I just...haven't had the easiest road. I had my first and tried to find it a father and that's how I ended up with this one...and this one's father doesn't make the best decisions and we had a fight and he pushed me down the steps...Boy, I sure can pick them," She told Erin who looked at her with a small smile. "So when are you due?" Chloe asked her.

"Well they gave me an approximate date of December 3rd," Erin told her. Thinking about it, it was strange to think that by Christmas, if everything worked out okay, she would have a baby in her arms, it made her smile for a moment as she thought.

"Nice, I got a date of October 29th… actually we're pretty close to each other," she told her smiling. "We'll both have babies for Christmas," Chloe smiled as she whispered it excitedly, she certainly was very excitable.

"Hard to believe"," Erin told her and the girl laughed. If she was going to be in a joint room, at least it was with someone with a personality.

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Adam walked into Kim's room slowly, cautiously carrying a bouquet of flowers; he didn't know what to expect. "Hi," he whispered softly, she smiled at him as he walked over. "These are for you," he told her.

"Thanks," Kim said quietly, beaming a smile as he put it down.

"Either you swallowed a huge slice of watermelon or you're happy to see me," Adam said, referring to her smile.

"Actually Adam… This morning I scalded myself with coffee… I scalded my legs with coffee," Kim smiled as she hugged him. She was glad to see him; she was starting to wonder if he was ever going to come back.

"Oh are you okay?" Adam said worriedly.

"I'm better than okay, it hurt Adam, it really, really hurt," Kim smiled, crying with happiness.

Adam wasn't quite getting it.

"I can feel it for it to hurt," she told him and he smiled kissing her fully on the lips. A kiss that changed from a peck on the lips to a full passionate kiss, pulling her lips closer to him.

"Wow," Kim said as she pulled away from the kiss slowly.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't not kiss you and when you're in love its kinda what you do. And I'm sorry if it was out of line I just thought that I should…"

Adam paused for a moment and touched his lips. "And now I'm rambling and I'm an idiot you think I'm an idiot right? I'm an idiot," he told her, covering his face with his hands.

"No, no… I'm glad you did, I was starting to think that you would never come back. I thought you would be back at work forgetting about me right now," Kim cried softly.

"I could never forget about you Kim, I think it's impossible," he told her, hugging her tightly as he kissed her shoulder gently.

"I love you Adam," Kim told him in his ear.

"I love you too…" Adam replied looking into her deep eyes for a second before snapping out of his daze and sitting down in the chair beside her. "So… you're feeling your legs huh?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Well y'know some of them, I guess I can't feel the rest because they're broken but that'll heal," Kim said happily.

"Is that what the doctors said?" Adam questioned her, caressing her hand gently.

"No, they did some tests I'm just waiting for the results but it's going to be good I can feel it. And now I can concentrate on getting you back," she said, hoping he would take her hint.

"You got me." He told her softly. "In fact… I can't ever leave you again… ever… Kim?…" Adam paused and looked up at her. "I want us to get married. For real this time," he told her and she gazed at him in a shocked state.

"Well… what?" Kim questioned shocked.

"Will you marry me Kim?" Adam questioned her, looking into her face deeply.

"What? Just like that? In one second you want to marry me?" en asked him with confusion.

"Yes… yes just like that… so whaddya say Burgess, will you? Will you marry me?" he asked her on an impulse.

"We've got a lot to work through before we're back to even discussing that, Adam," Kim said shocked. Its not that she didn't want to marry him, she just didn't think of it as the best-planned proposal.

"Six months ago we know we love each other… We still love each other...why wait if you know," He told her softly and she smiled.

"Okay," Kim said suddenly, shocked at her own words, before breaking out in a smile. "Okay... Okay yes… yes I will… I will marry you," Kim smiled.

"Yes?" Adam asked, not sure if he heard her right.

"Yes," Kim nodded. Adam smiled at her and raised his lips to hers kissing her softly, smiling throughout. He didn't know what had made him ask her all he knew is that he wanted to; even though he didn't even have a ring.

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Jay walked off the elevator to Erin's apartment and he frowned when he saw Landon standing there.

"What the hell do you want?" Jay asked.

"I'm here to see Erin" Landon replied.

"Well, Erin doesn't want to see you" Jay spat as he walked passed Landon and over to the door to let himself in.

"Well, can I give her a letter?" Landon asked holding up an envelope.

Jay knew with everything in him that he shouldn't let Landon in the apartment. The guy had done enough and Jay sure as hell didn't want him anywhere near Erin. But he knew he couldn't stop him

Jay invited Landon in against his better judgement and Landon walked over to the couch to sit down. Jay walked over and sat down next to him.

"Lot of memories here," Landon told him. "I probably got Erin pregnant on this couch," he said looking around.

"Look I don't wish to sound y'know… rude...but why exactly did you come?" Jay asked him.

"Well, not that it's any of your business, but I want to talk to Erin about being in my child's life" He told him, running his fingers through his hair.

"Look man… that's not going to happen," Jay told him, not looking at him.

"Well, that's not really up for you to decide is it? I mean, it is my baby" Landon explained.

."Well…" Jay took a deep breath. "I've got news for you, that's how it is. I'm with Erin now, and I'm going to protect her and the baby from you. If I as much as hear that you've been looking in her general direction, I'll make your life Hell" Jay said.

Landon sat in silence, nodding his head.

"She's going to destroy your life. I mean, you really want my sloppy seconds?" Landon said harshly standing up.

"Get the hell out," Jay said coldly, walking to the door an opening it.

"You know, when Erin and I were together...she used to stare at this old picture of you. And I had to keep reminding her that if you actually gave a damn about her, you'd have helped her through the worst part of her life. But you weren't there, were you Jay? You turned your back on her when she needed you the most and the sad thing is, it was Erin who went to save you. You think I'm pathetic for not wanting to be a father, but I think you're pathetic for leaving her alone to get pregnant in the first place" Landon said unapologetically.

"Are you deaf? I said get out," Jay told him angrily, pointing to the door.

"Just tell me where she is now," Landon requested.

"None of your damn business," Jay said, he knew Landon would be upset.

"You don't even know! God Jay, what kinda of a man are you. What kind of a man can't even look after his own girlfriend?" Landon asked him. Jay's eyes turned cold as his voice turned sharp and husky.

"That's it…" Jay whispered harshly through his clenched teeth. "I told you to get out and now you have no option," Jay said grabbing his collar with his fist.

"You can't touch me like that," Landon complained as Jay dragged him to the door and threw him out, slamming the door in his face.

"Bastard," Jay said to himself, looking around the room, slumping down on the couch heavily with a sigh and taking a long drink of his beer.

Landon was an ass.

Jay looked at the couch and saw the envelope addressed to Erin and he picked it up off the couch and looked at it for a moment before tearing it in two and tossing it into the garbage.

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 **Please Review**


	6. Confessions of a Broken Heart

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I hope that you guys like it.**

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Jay walked into Erin's room with a bouquet of flowers, Erin's bed was empty, but Chloe lay in the other.

"Err, have you seen…" Jay said pointing at the bed.

"Oh yeah, they took her down for a scan," she told him and he nodded. "She shouldn't be long she's been gone a while… you must be Jay," she said, looking at him. he was just as Erin had described, him, tall, dark and very, very cute.

"Yes," he said, confused how she knew his name.

"Erin never stops talking about you," she told him and he smiled, putting the flowers down on the bed. "They are such lovely flowers, I've been in like a whole day and I haven't had a visitor or any flowers yet, and I probably wont. The father of this baby is never going to see me again so I'll just buy myself some flowers," she joked, sitting up in bed and looking at him.

"Here," Jay said taking a flower out of the large bouquet and giving it to her. "For you,"

"Aww thank you, that it so sweet," she said smiling at the flower and letting a tear seep from her ducts. "I'm sorry I'm having a very emotional pregnancy," she cried and Jay smiled, nodding with agreement.

"Well at least you're not violent… look?" Jay said rolling up his sleeve showing her a bruise, she creased her forehead up with confusion. "Apparently she doesn't like coconut when she's pregnant… got a little bit… upset," Jay laughed a little.

"Ouch," Chloe laughed as the door opened and Erin came in the door, rolled in by a nurse. "Hey Erin look who's here," she said waving at her holding the flower.

"Oh hey," Erin said kissing him as she got into bed. "They just took me for a scan, everything is fine," she told him, kissing his hand.

"Good," Jay smiled, kissing her forehead.

"So you been talking to Chloe huh?" Erin questioned getting comfortable in bed.

"Oh well we were never introduced really, she knew me because apparently you love me so much and talk about me all the time," Jay beamed and she hit his stomach with force.

"Ow!" Jay choked out painfully.

"Well you deserved it. Jay this is Chloe," Erin said smiling at the pain she had induced, she was proud.

"Hi," Chloe said walking over and shaking his hand; he shook it.

Erin laughed as he sat on the chair beside her bed. "They said they're going to discharge me on Saturday," Erin told him and he kissed her lips.

"Good, I been preparing at home," He told her.

"What do you mean preparing?" She questioned suspiciously.

"I painted," Jay beamed proudly.

"So how are things at home, I feel so far away from reality, any news on Burgess?" Erin questioned him.

"Well I ran into Adam downstairs and it looks like Burgess's going to be okay, she's got feeling back in her legs and he proposed to her," Jay told her and she looked at him with shock. "I know, I know crazy," he said shrugging his shoulders at her.

"But good, that's all great news," Erin said and his look agreed with her, but there was a look of worry behind it. "Why does something tell me that you also have some not so good news?" Erin questioned him and he took a deep breath.

"You had a visitor at home," she told her, and she looked at him with confusion. "Someone who maybe wasn't too enthralled about you being pregnant," Jay said.

"Oh god please tell me it wasn't my mom," Erin begged and he shook his head. Erin's mouth opened and closed again, there was only one other person she could think of. "A he?" She questioned and he nodded.

"Landon?" She questioned and he nodded. "Well what did he say?" she asked him.

"Well he told me that you were ruining your life by keeping the baby," he recalled, looking down at the floor. He wasn't quite sure he should tell her about the letter that Landon had left. So for now, he would just keep it to himself.

"Just ignore him. I'm sure he won't be around that much," Erin begged, tilting his chin to her and kissing his lips softly.

"No I threw him out of the apartment… literally," he told her and she smiled "But he might turn up I just think you should know," he advised her bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it softly

"Thank you, I want to go down and see Burgess," Erin told him, starting to get out of bed.

"No!" Jay said, putting her feet back into the bed.

"Jay…" Erin moaned in a whiny voice.

"I'm sorry but the answer is no… you heard what the Doc said… no excitement… no stress and no going to see her, on Saturday you can go but you're banned remember? He banned you! You've got a baby to look after so he can come out all strong for me," Jay smiled running his hand over her stomach. He couldn't see a bump yet, it really wasn't noticeable but knowing it was there was enough.

"Already making plans for this little one, huh?" she whispered.

"Of course" he told her and she just smiled.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Erin told him, getting out of bed and into the bathroom.

"Ok," Jay agreed watching her as she went, listening to the room he heard a small weeping from the other side, he turned around and saw Chloe crying.

"I'm sorry… I just can't stop all this crying, crying, peeing, eating, sleeping, crying," Chloe said through a blanket of tears she didn't know quite why she was crying but she just couldn't stop. Jay gave her a sympathetic look. "God I wish the father was like you," she told him wiping away her tears.

"If you don't mind me asking, is the father going to come in or…" Jay trailed off.

"Oh no… have you ever heard that song? Y'know…" she trailed off then started to sing. "I left my heart in San Francisco?" she questioned in the song and he nodded. "Well imagine it said… I left my wife and four kids in San Francisco now go and rot in hell after I slept with you and don't want you anymore…" she trailed off in a weepy song. "God I'm so sorry," she apologized crying.

Jay frowned as he looked at Chloe. He wasn't sure how he was going to help her, but he felt like he needed to.

"I'm really sorry. It's just I think if the father has the opportunity to be in the baby's life...he should" Chloe explained.

Jay felt like Chloe was talking directly to his situation with Erin and Landon and he forced a smile when he heard the bathroom door open and Erin walk out.

Jay walked over to Erin, a large sigh as he lowered his eyes to the floor. Erin gazed at him quizzically as he shifted around uncomfortably in his spot. She gazed at him. He gazed at the floor.

She gazed at the floor.

She couldn't see his interest in the gray tiles, sure, they were nice, but not in need of such great attention. "Nice tiling work?" she questioned, a little amused, and a little worried about his sudden interest in DIY tiling.

"I was actually thinking white and black for the bathroom floor though," Erin said, trying to spark a conversation, a conversation about something, a conversation about anything.

"Jay?" Erin questioned and finally, finally he turned to her.

"Yeah?" he asked, snapping slowly out of his trance. He hadn't been taking any notice; he was too far into thoughts and confusion about how he was going to tell Erin about Landon and the letter. It wasn't working, how could it be working when she made such a stupid decision and got pregnant by a guy who didn't love her.

Why couldn't it be simple? Why couldn't he just be this baby's father?

"What's up?" she questioned him, "You've been staring at the floor for about five minutes now," she told him, advising him of his strange behavior.

"Erin?" Jay questioned. "What makes people overcome problems?" he inquired thoughtfully, his blue eyes staring deeply through the pattern of the pajamas she wore, before snapping his head to her eyes with inquisition.

"How do people make it through hard situations, like an illness, and still love?" he questioned, catching Erin off guard. Erin took a deep breath and tried to explain but no words came out. Finally she took another breath, and spoke.

"Love," she answered cautiously "I guess," she finished, unsure of her words, she knew what she was trying to say but not sure it was coming out correctly. "Determination not to let the world beat them," she advised. "Hope and faith. The realization that it could have been worse and that having each other is the best thing in the world," she told him, trying to understand his questioning, and more important, the reasoning behind it. It couldn't be about her, Jay had been the best recently, and their relationship was strong.

"Then what makes people give up on love?" he queried, wondering how a woman's mind worked and whether women lost all sense in their mind.

"Love does," Erin answered him. He looked at her and she looked back at her hands. "Love is so strange," Erin paused. "Love is complicatedly simple," she told him, and he looked at her in question of her oxymoron.

"Erin that's a total opposite, an oxymoron if you will," he advised her. There was no such thing as complicatedly simple, complex was complex and simplicity was simplicity.

"When you love you don't want to hurt, you don't want to feel pain, so in the same way that love makes you brave and makes you strong it also makes you weak and scared to lose. I loved my mother and, I hated her for making me love her so much. I hated the way that she gave me hope that everything was going to be okay then she made me scared and I felt alone," Erin, said looking at him sadly, then snapping her head to his eyes in confusion. "Why you ask these questions Jay?" Erin questioned him, wondering. This was a strange thing to ask.

"There's something I need to tell you and I'm not sure how to tell you," he told her sighing and looking at the look on her face. "I know it's completely insane, it's what I just don't understand," he explained. "And I know that when I tell you, it's going to have to potential to change everything"

"What is it?" Erin asked softly, not understanding at all. Why was Jay acting like this? Everything was fine yesterday.

"Yesterday..." Jay started to explain the saga but stopped in his tracks, he didn't want to upset Erin or put her under stress and make things worse again. "I told you about Landon stopping by...," he said, simply stating the fact, not telling the whole truth.

"Jay something tells me that there's more to this than you're letting on?" she told him, he was acting shady. She knew Jay and his face had guilt written all over it, he was bullshitting her and she knew it.

"Because maybe there is?" Jay said, more of a question than a statement, his voice was coy and he avoided her gaze. He wasn't lying to her but he felt as though he was, he felt just as guilty.

"What happened?" Erin questioned him; he looked down at the ground and pondered it for a moment. "Jay!" She asked in a stern voice, men were like dogs, you need to command them in a manor they associate with danger.

"I cant say," he told her, edging away from her slowly, he recognized that tone, it wasn't a good tone, he associated that very tone with arguments and he didn't like it. But he couldn't tell her, if she were stressed now then it would be worse if she knew.

"And just why not?" Erin asked confused, what right did he have to withhold information regarding her friends, what made him able to have this information and not tell her, she had just as much a right to know as he did.

"It would just stress you," he told her, walking towards her and shaking his head, hoping she would give up, but secretly, he knew she wouldn't.

"Oh god," she whispered. "What happened?" she asked and he nodded slowly. "DId you two fight?" Erin questioned overcome with worry for her friend.

Jay took a deep breath and looked at Erin.

"Landon wants this baby"

 **Please Review**


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